Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Once a mallrat, always a mallrat

Let me start off by saying that I am attempting to write this while chubbs is still awake, she's right here beside me watching Oprah, don't worry -  it's educational, the episode is on Brothels (please don't call children's aid).

Onto today's review, shopping malls. I spent most of today at Square One and thought it was a good time to do a little write up on the numerous shopping malls I have frequented since the baby's arrival...okay, who am I kidding, I have always loved malls, lots of stores located conveniently close to one another so I don't have to cover up nice outfits with heavy coats

...okay this isn't working, this kid is really cutting into my free time, will try this again later...

Alright, baby's asleep for the night (fingers crossed), got some Jerry on in the background, a glass of wine beside me (I love being able to drink again, it really gives my life purpose and meaning), ready to write. As I was saying, the mall adventure. Prior to having a baby I remember shopping malls being filled with trendy girls waiting to be emulated and ugly girls waiting to be mocked (isn't that what everyone does at the mall or was that just me), I would put effort into a mall visit, I very much follow the "Pretty Woman" philosophy of life, if I go into a store looking like a schlep (or slutty hooker in Julia's case) I can't expect people to show me any kind of decency, I mean when I see a poorly dressed person I know I look the other way or quickly cross to the other side of the street....I think this is the part of my personality my husband told me not to share with other people if I wanted to keep friends...oh well, no one is actually going to read this. Anyway, my point is, like every other aspect of my life post baby, the mall too has become an entirely different place. It's bad enough babies ruin our figures, our sex-lives, our ability to spend $500 on a pair of shoes guilt-free, now the mall is no longer a place of retail therapy, it is a haven for bored mothers with babies, and I'm one of those moms. Now when I go to the mall all I see are other moms. We all look the same, slightly disheveled, dazed look on our face, a pathetic attempt at some make up, pushing our fancy strollers pretending to know what time or even what day of the week it is. And like every other place I used to go to without the kid and love, with the kid it's a different story, so here's my look at how baby-friendly our local malls are.

  • Decent nursing room across from H&M, not a lot of people fit, but does provide privacy. Though the first time I used it, I thought it was a private room and decided to get really comfortable and take my shirt of completely to breast feed the little one, only to have a mom AND dad come in to feed a baby...and what's scary is that this happened to me at another mall too...okay, maybe it's me, maybe dad's are allowed to come in and I shouldn't be taking my shirt off so freely...hey, when you are too tired to have sex with your husband for weeks at a time a quick glance from a stranger while I change the baby from one boob to the next is pretty exciting!?!?! (Apparently there is a dad free nursing room near Subway, but what's the fun in that)
  • HUGE PROBLEM, there is no place to heat up baby food, when I asked at the INFO desk the lady said I could get a custodian in the food court to take the food into the back and use a microwave back there - first of all, I didn't realize that the custodial staff had special 'microwave training' that was not available to the lay person making it so the mall administration felt it necessary to prohibit all non-custodial personnel from coming within 10 feet of this complicated piece of technology, and second of all I was supposed to hand over my baby food to the same person who just finished tying the garbage bags and scraping gum off the bottoms of tables...I don't think so, suffice it to say the lady at the info booth got quite an earful...okay maybe just a dirty look, but I was thinking REALLY bad thoughts about her for the rest of the day.
  • Come on, it's Dufferin Mall, I'm Portuguese and I think the place is a dump. Any non-PorkChops, do not enter unarmed!!! 
  • I consider Yorkdale the Mecca of Mommy/Baby happiness. Everyone always looks so happy, not quite as many strollers as Square One so you don't feel so out of touch with reality, people are well dressed, and the baby rooms are spacious and nice, the one by the Bay is better than the others.
  • There is a microwave to heat up baby food in the nursing room.
  • Dads aren't allowed so you can disrobe freely (is that a good thing or a bad thing?)
  • All doors have those buttons to push so you don't have to touch handles.
  • Though you might not feel as cool as when you shop on Queen West, you also don't get dirty looks when you try to push your gigantic baby stroller between racks on clothes...because there is SPACE.
I could really go on forever with this, I have yet to talk about Sherway, Vaughn Mills, Eaton Centre, but I have to get some sleep before SHE decides to cry for no reason...and there isn't a real reason, it's just to remind me that she has complete control over my life, she likes to keep me in a constant state of exhaustion, I'm more susceptible to her evil mind tricks that way. 

Anyway, feel free to reply with your own mall review, or add anything you love or hate about the malls already mentioned.

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