Sunday, May 17, 2009

ikea restaurangen...yes, that's swedish!

I feel like it has been a while since my last post, and I don't want my adoring fans (my mom) to feel like I have abandoned my blog, so I will explain the reason for my absence. Since the sack of potatoes... I mean the baby arrived, the condo has slowly felt like that scene in one of those Star Wars movies where the walls are closing in on them (and trust me, I tried to come up with a better reference but I just can't get that scene out of my mind). Baby crap is taking over my life! As I sit on my sofa typing away while the kid sleeps in our den/baby-room/solarium, I am literally surrounded by baby junk, I can feel rolled up baby socks under my ass, I think I smell a dirty diaper that must of rolled under the sofa, and YES it just rolled there, I didn't throw it under there because I was too lazy to take it to the real garbage...anyway, where was I, oh yeah, complaining about the baby crap. There is not a single inch of my living room floor that is not covered in some toy or blankie or left over MumMum cookie, I feel like I'm sinking in baby quicksand. The point is our 650 square foot Toronto condo no longer fits us (to be honest it barely fit us before, but we were never home so we didn't notice...oh the days of being able to go out whenever we case you wanted to know, there is a single tear streaming down my face as I look out the window longingly). So last Monday we made the decision to put the condo up for sale and move into a house. We met with our realtor on Tuesday, the condo was listed on Wednesday, and it sold on Thursday...what was that about a real estate crisis???!!!??! I don't know what I was thinking but I thought I would have a long time to get used to the idea of moving, well I don't, so let's just say I've been a little freaked out. I'm not sure I'm ready to be a grown up and do something selfless for my kid, like move to the burbs so they can have a nice backyard and not be stuck on a wait list for soccer camp because of the high demand in the city (the 'city-moms' I know have scared me with stories of camping out nights before in front of rec centres to get their kids in the good programs...and apparently you can't just let your kid watch tv and play on the driveway 24-7....they need programs!) I like to pretend I'm still 'cool city girl', the problem is that 'cool city girl' can only afford a house in crack-whore yeah, I'm a little stressed. So that's the reason for my lack of entries, but I'm back. In my recent week of house hunting and realizing how intensely poor I am as I near the end of my maternity leave, the husband and I decide to hit the cheapest 'restaurant' ( I use ' ' in describing this place as a restaurant because I think the title might be up for debate) - the cafeteria style restaurant at IKEA.

Now, when reviewing the IKEA restaurant a couple of things have to be made clear. First of all, it's a self serve counter, meaning wait staff are not around to screw up or piss me off, definitely a bonus. Second, it's freak'in IKEA, what do you expect??? I don't expect much, maybe on par with the fly infested buffet lunch in that really crappy all inclusive resort I stayed at in Cuba (maybe the half a star rating it got should have tipped me off...but I was young and naive...okay it was only last year...leave me alone!) ...and to tell you the truth it's a little better, except the omellette bar, gotta say, IKEA does not have an omellette I miss that trip, scary Maria behind the counter spitting on the frying pan to check its temperature, what a vacation (that single tear remains on my cheek). 

If you enjoy eating tasty, well prepared food that is both creatively presented and unexpectedly delicious...this is NOT the place for you. If you need a place where your baby can make a lot of noise and mess alongside numerous other annoying children, a place where the food is very cheap and the taste doesn't really matter because you are going to wolf it down like a pie-eating contest champ before your kid has a tantrum, a place where they have a microwave to heat up your baby food because the 'princess' won't eat anything that is at room temperature, well if all these apply to you then come on in, pull up a cheap poorly constructed bright coloured chair and take a load off, pop a few swedish meatballs, some cheap hotdogs, and count down the days until your little one is big enough to go to the playland and you can come have a coffee by yourself for the first time in months, maybe years, while you enjoy the benefits of free daycare....just imagine it, date nights at IKEA, and I checked, they serve alcohol!

helpful hint: stay away from the $1.99 pasta're better off going hungry!


  1. I was pretty much raised in the ball room at Ikea.

  2. I was pretty much raised in the ball room at Ikea.

  3. Ikea was the first place we had dinner after baby #1 was born because found out they had WINE!!! Who cared if the food is tasteless, there's alcohol....

    Actually, I really quite like the coffee, and the kids love it. You can't beat the price for breakfast either.